To The Girl Who Has Never Been Loved
I hear you. I hear the pain in your voice when your friend asks if you’ve met anyone recently and you have to say ‘No’ or ‘Not yet.’
I see you. I see the way your eyes lose their sparkle when your friend begins telling you about their new relationship and how in love they are.
I feel you. I feel the way your heart breaks when you climb into bed alone at night, left wide awake and staring at the ceiling as you wonder what’s so wrong with you that you can’t find anyone to love you.
I know you. I know you because I am you. I am in your shoes right now, feeling alone and worthless.
We grew up with the belief that life was all about finding our one true love, about living our life as if we were in a fairytale. We grew up watching Cinderella meet her Prince Charming at the ball, and dream that one day, we’d meet ours at a school dance, though it never happened. The “perfect” partner was always taken or would reject us upon approaching them, asking for a dance. That rejection hurt, but we kept trying anyway. Perseverance, people told us, is what will get us what we want.
We tried. And tried. And tried again. Each time, the rejection hurt, and we were left feeling discouraged and heartbroken, wondering what was so wrong with us that no one wanted to be our Prince or Princess Charming. We never realized that we were never the problem; there was and still is nothing wrong with us. There is something wrong with society for making this a goal of young girls everywhere. We are taught to have dreams of living happily ever after with our partners instead of learning how to be happy with ourselves. We are taught how to love someone else before we learn how to love ourselves.
We are taught that our lives should be reminiscent of a fairytale. You need to be young and in love. Your partner needs to sweep you off your feet, charm you into wanting them. You will depend on this person for as long as you may live. This is your happily ever after. You will kiss each other as the screen fades to black, and the narrative will continue.
This is unrealistic.
This is heartbreaking.
This is disturbing.
While wanting to find your one true love is magical and fascinating, it is not for everyone. Some do not want a partner. Some are comfortable on their own. That is okay and should be normalized. Not all of us need to find our Prince or Princess charming; sometimes, the person we need to find is ourselves.
To the girl who has never been loved: You are enough. You are worthy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and kind. You are caring and loving. You deserve to be loved the way you have always dreamt about.
I know it seems like the world is against you, and that you’re getting bitter as you stare at your friends who are in happy relationships. But trust that the world is not against you and that you will find your true love soon enough. Someone is out there right now, wishing to find someone just like you. You two have just not found each other yet.
However, the more you focus on the negative, the more you attract it. I know how hurtful it is to think you are unlovable. I know how lonely you are. I know you want someone to hold you and cuddle you when you’re feeling down, and someone to make you laugh and smile when you truly need it. I understand how all of this hurts, feeling like a stake right through the heart. But please, do not let yourself become so wrapped up in it that you question your worth. Do not lose yourself in the heart of this battle.
In the meantime, focus on yourself. Focus on loving yourself. Treat yourself the way you treat others — with kindness, respect, and understanding. Take yourself out on dates, give yourself gifts, and make memories with yourself and those you care about, like your friends or family.
Before you know it, you’ll be living your own personal fairytale, and you’ll have the happily ever after ending you’ve always wanted.
